There's been a lot of dissociating and a lot of trying to stay present and a lot of crying and a lot of trying to not cry. A little all over the place...
The T is really good at knowing the right things to say but that means it can hit a nerve pretty quick too.
I spent the last hour of group alone with her today because there were only two of us and her today and the other lady had to leave early. I was crying for most of that hour, she just kept saying things that I want to believe but don't quite feel real yet. Like none of it is my fault, and I don't deserve the punishment I put on myself, and I do deserve to hear "I love you" daily, even if I'm the one saying it to myself.
It doesn't feel like the truth... I think that's why it makes me cry. I want it to be true... It's just so hard to believe right now. That dissonance between what I want to believe and what I feel/believe already makes the statements hard to hear. Almost painful... That may be why I start crying or dissociating.
Even with all of that, though, those are exactly the things I need to hear in these moments. She isn't saying anything wrong, at all. It's just gonna take time to sink in.