In the beginning of the year, I became aware that my sister and her husband were more conservative than I ever thought. This made things kinda bad for me, as I asked her to clarify how she viewed LGBT folks. She talked in circles and couldn't give me a clear answer to any question I asked. Ultimately I accepted that maybe she didn't have the answer but needed some time because this felt like a slight form of rejection. That she couldn't just as easily say "I support you as a gay person, and believe you should have the same rights etc." or something simple like our other sister.

I ran into her at my mom's house, and after an awkward interaction, we had another conversation over the phone. Where stated that being gay was a sin, and didn't want to promote it to her kids. And that she thought believed marriage should only be between men and women, and ultimately thought my being gay was a phase I'd grow out of despite being 30, and coming out at 16. And if I was bothered by her stance about the gay community to stay away from the kids completely. I've spent more time with my niece and nephews more than anyone else in the past year. It was a nice escape and sort of a distraction most of the time. And if I'm honest besides my dog, I'd tell myself I had to stick around to make sure they had a proper memory of me.
I didn't feel like they were watching me and worried like friends have done since I was hospitalized.
I've struggled with admitting I'm not okay since that hospitalization, I realized that if I couldn't provide some physical achievement or proof that I was attempting to do better than I avoided them entirely. Going months without responding.

I've been really low since this conversation with my sister a few weeks ago, and can't bring myself to be around my other family members nor my friends. I stopped by my mom's to get mail while she wasn't there and cried after and couldn't bring myself to even check if she was in her room. I tried reaching out to new therapists but feel like I failed. I've only talked with my coworkers but avoid socializing more than necessary for projects.
I'm not really sure what to do with myself.