There are definitely conflicting aspects of myself at play, thank you for picking that out. There is the aggressive and hostile part who is always ready to fight and is never afraid - and there is the scared and tender part who is pained by fighting.

It has helped for me to post this thread. I rarely start a thread and so I don't have much experience of putting my therapy stuff out here. It is quite a different experience, humbling in a way. I can see now why some of my previous responses on other people's threads have been upsetting or insensitive. And why it matters for me to not behave like that and to be kind. Posting is a vulnerable thing to do when you feel unsettled by therapy. I am learning that is important to me that others are kind to me, no matter how much of a cold exterior I like to hide behind.