I'm very sorry you're struggling and in pain right now.

You said you did have friends at one point? Why did you let those friendships go? Or how did they disappear? I understand fully that social anxiety is a tough issue for you to have to deal with, but friendships can be made at any point in life. Do you have any hobbies or interests you can pursue? Could you take a class and meet new people that way?

As for the man, I'm sorry to say it, but he was not worth investing so much time into. He is a grown man still living with his parents at the age of 50 - and it sounds like he never left. Also sounds like he is completely dependent on his parents for money and support, which is not very admirable. Most men strive to be financially secure and independent from a far younger age. Unless there's a severe enough mental health or medical reason for him to be dependent and living at home for this long (which would make more sense), there is no reason that he has had to live at home all this time. Sounds like he just wants to sponge off his parents while he wants to pursue artwork. Not very admirable, and certainly not ambitious, like most other men in this world are.

And you work full time and have had child caring responsibilities. The two of you combined do not equal a good match. He's not ambitious, is a failing artist, and you're more motivated, independent and responsible.

So I'm afraid you put all your eggs into the wrong basket. But don't fret. Many people marry and realize years later it was the wrong match and get divorced. Consider this as a similar type of situation. And please don't feel like you wasted all those years... they're only wasted if you don't learn something from it all.

So the lesson? Never let your life go and friends go for the sake of a relationship or anything else. Never put all your energy into one person or one relationship. Friendships must be nurtured to remain in tact. But know that new ones can always be formed, over time and even if you have social anxiety.

So get out there and do something else with your life.... take control and pursue enjoyment in life, whatever that may entail.