Hello Talkb4meds: Thank you for bringing your concern here to PC. I see this is your first post. Welcome to Psych Central.

I'm sorry you are dealing with such an impossible situation. From what you wrote it sounds like, at this point, your primary concern is with regard to guilt you feel over what you perceive to be your possible role in how things have turned out with your step daughter. So here's a link to a listing of articles, from Psych Central's archives, on the subject of coping with guilt along with links to 3 articles on being a step mom I thought you could perhaps relate to:

Coping with Guilt | Psych Central

Parental Alienation-Perhaps a Step-Mom, But Never a Mom | Full Heart, Empty Arms

3 Keys for Step-Mothers Coping with Parental Alienation | Full Heart, Empty Arms

The Faux Guilt of Step-Mothers: The Ultimate Scapegoats of Parental Alienation | Full Heart, Empty Arms

I hope you find PC to be of benefit.