As always when a very significant change happens in my life... I feel I must be acknowledged - by myself... and the place for doing that is here....PC..

am an alter of freewills

yesterday was perhaps one of the worse days of my life... and from that worse day... comes change...

So.............................

Goodbye to my husband (now Ex)... goodbye to the nasty, nasty things that you said to me... you were very wrong.. you didn't need to stay with me - because I was so horrible - no one could possibly love me - not even my own mom...

ironic isn't it - that I divorced you.. and that you begged.. me not to.. that you made the divorce go on for years... ironic...

I wish I didn't hate you... I forgive you... I do... but I also hate you...

I hate you for taking a dying 19 year old, senistive person... and hurting her so.. when you were so much older and knew better...

I hate you for always making me support you.. for 12 years I supported you... thru 6 years of college... you... telling me if I ever lost my job... you would divorce me....

I hate you for not paying child support... for enjoying our son but taking any responsibility...

Goodbye to you the father ... our son knows where his pillar is.. where his security is... he knows that I would battle.. for his life if he were sick or in need - have done that - by myself.. thru his lung surgeries... I was there.. where were you?...
and that is what in the end is what is "worth" all .... the "prize"... to put it in your terms... not mine...that I with all my problems.. am a good, decent mom.. and you... not a father to our wonderful son....

Goodbye to the feeling of being unloveable by all.. even my best friend.. and son...

Goodbye to letting people abuse me... goodbye...

Hello to me... a lovable person... a loved person... the "whole" of me - not just one alter... all of me is loved and loveable...

Hello.. to my new life... without your voice in it.. telling me I am worthless...

Hello to the voice that says I am loved and loveable..

Hello....