I really related to what you wrote, AzulOscuro, and I am so sorry you are having this negative self-talk. But noone is ugly. We are all God's children, or whatever you happen to believe about where we came from. We are all unique and special. I have never personally felt I was a handsome man, never. The women I have been with have persistently tried to convince me that they have felt that I am and strangely, several of them have been quite lovely on the outside (perhaps not so much so on the inside--oops). I have never, ever understood their attraction to me. I think it is weird, quite frankly.

So, my point to you is that other people do not always or even usually experience us the way we experience ourselves. There is no telling what people were trying to communicate with those comments and I would recommend to you that you immediately stop trying to figure them out. Do what you want to with your hair. Cut it all off. Gro0w it out. Dye it lavender. Be you, whoever and whatever that is. After what I have been through, I don't give a sh** what other people think of me anymore. I am living for me and for the few people who care about me, like all of you.

The other thing I would bring up is this thing about body dysmorphic disorder. It is always something to consider when someone is being particularly harsh about their own outward appearance, as you kind of are. You might read about it and see if you think it could fit for you. I saw a lot of patients with BDD when I was in practice who aked me to do all kinds of drastic things to and for them and most of them had no idea they had it.

Sending you support. Please stop telling yourelf you are ugly. I hate that word and it is not true. You are beautiful and wonderful, just the way you are.