hey @starryprince
I can really relate to your post. I'm sorry that you've experienced a lot of abuse - and that now you're having to wait for gender affirming surgery. I'm transgender and can really relate to the feeling that I've missed out on my entire childhood/teenage years because I felt so horrendous in my body. Now I'm 30 and have had surgery and feel much less dysphoria, but now feel like I need to go through a childhood because I never developed the "right" way.

Can also relate to not having a happy childhood and feeling much younger than I actually am. Unfortunately I'm not sure how to help with these feelings. With surgery, where you live can you get it through government healthcare, or do you have to finance it yourself? It is really painful not knowing when it will be.