I accidently took someone home who charmed me into staying with them for the weekend and I just gullibly did it a couple of months ago. I saw them once or twice more and I slept with them again and I was so bad in bed from the impotence from meds. It was so on my mind thta I sort of made a faux pas blurting out about my problems (schizophrenia) really too soon and shocking the poor person with it all or something. They still saw me twice more though after that so it wasn't all that. I think it was my impotence, the connection just went missing. I've got some testosterone spplement now so maybe I can seriously date someone again one day. I just feel so bad about this lay thing. I don't know how to classsify it in my mind. My best friend said just see them as a human vibrator. I just hate casual sex so much yet sometimes I fall for it. And I always get really upset. It always seems to be charismatic types I fall for in unrequited love, I just blow it. And there's this voice attacking me in my head that if I hadn't slept with him and been ladylike and more charming it'd be roses and flowers and things. but I can't help thinking if men are willing to treat you that badly I mean I just can';t tand these double standad things or whatever it is...he just will not communicate about it at all. It's a bit rough. Sometimes I see him at certain parties in nightclubs that I go to. he stopped chatting me up and seems very uncomfortable and so am I. I really fancied him, I'm still not over it. I just need to get rid of this crush on him. Because he treated me so badly. I'm not kidding. He knows I'm getting divorced and my parents died. On top of everything he almost knocked me up and I had to take the morning after pill and that upset me too having to stop the conception of this nice innocent being. And I was exhausted from this pill for months and he didn't even check to see if i was ok. How can there be such a gulf between men and women. Percieving making love as totally different expereince to eachother. I'm a 37 yr old woman and this gap seems to have only widened as me and the men in my life have gotten older. I just feel that they're so insensitive.