I know it looks bad when I put it like this. But, as I wrote, I am extremely reserved and introvert person, so seeing him so rarely didn't seem too bad or difficult for me. And because of my job and motherhood, I have little free time myself. Problem is, I always felt no one likes me and no one understands me. It has been like that since always. I was bullied in grade school, terribly, every day, after that I was extremely insecure and reserved and didn't trust anyone. Then I was in marriage where I was emotionally abused and after 6 years I left. In the last 4 years, I am bullied at work as well. It's like no one likes me. He was among few rare persons who did like me and who tried at least. But he is not bad, he is troubled, not in the same way as me, and not as aware of that as me, but troubled. That is probably why we had such connection. He does not have another girlfriend I am 100% sure of that. He does live with his parents, and I don't think any woman would really put up with all that. Well, except for me. We are two very troubled persons who met. Still, it seems I am the one who wanted more. And lost.
Now, I have no idea what to do, I was and still am, obsessed with that man, and I fear no one will like me, as no one ever did. I am weird. In my country no one likes weird people, no one likes introverts. They are too much work. We do not want to be alone all the time and without friends, that is mistake. We just want to be alone sometimes, to "charge" but hardly anyone understands that. And I am not "cute weird" like in movies. I am weird and unlikable strange person. Women avoid me mostly, men see me only as possible fun and someone for play only.
I am afraid I will never have any friends, because I am weird. I had relationship with someone who seemingly understands me but even he left me. Who will then be with me?