Thanks for your post PsychoPhil. I can totally relate to your post but my problem was with my sister. Toxic family dynamics are the worst because you have no where to go. I am still terrified of her. She was younger than me but managed to physically and emotionally (and at some level sexually) abuse me throughout my childhood and teenage years. She is still very controlling, has no empathy and bullies me when she can. I know if we are left together alone for two long, she would probably physically hurt me.

My recommendations are:
(1)Therapy - it will really help if you get a good therapist;
(2) No or very little contact. That also helps. I see her only during Christmas and Easter , which is too much. I am a wreck after these holidays.

I have written to her to tell her about how she hurt me but never sent it to her. I think she would have really enjoyed knowing how much control she still has over me so I kept the letter to myself.