I seldom get more than a couple days of fun , the world is shiny and colors sing

In the past 10 years .. My mania is always a angry hateful rage-y hot mess. But...... I internalize everythinggggg. I use to self harm daily, extreme episodes of Anorexia eating. Less than 120 calories a week and threats of feeding tubes

I can be manic and my husband not know until I finally can’t hide it and I literally cry out sometimes... it’s days other times it’s been weeks to a month.. psychosis starting for sure but I’m either able to catch it quick but there are times it just engulfs me so fast I do need IP to be safe from “ Myself”

I’m sure its possible I could turn my anger outward.. maybe snap or bytch someone out. I’m sure less than 1/2 % id ever physically touch someone.