I read your post...and kept going back to your questions - why can't you address it? How can you face it? wow, can I get that - it sounds like you have been through so much. I'd say - you are facing things. You have a therapist, and you are here. You're writing about what's eating you up. Think baby steps. Think long term, life long help. That doesn't mean constantly through out your entire life. Pick things up, drop things, as you feel the need. If things "this" or "that" are too painful, too over whelming, then back to baby steps. Those huge monsters can be vanquished - but sometimes it's like a chihuahua eating an elephant. Small bites, time after time after time. Time and effort can help us overcome the seemingly unconquerable.