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Denise70 · Feb 24, 2020 at 12:48 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BethRags

Hi Denise70, I so feel for you.

Years ago I fell in love with a man; we were both married. My own marriage was not in a good place. I fairly begged my husband to go with me for marriage counseling, but he refused to go. I fell hard for the other man. We had an affair for 3 years. At the end, he had to move away, and wanted me to come with him. I had children and pets I definitely did not want to leave...and I really didn't want to get a divorce. So I broke off the relationship.

Like everything in life there were goods and bads about having the affair. The bad part was that ending the relationship was terribly difficult. I went into the situation so naively...I was desperate for a man's attention and devotion and I really was in love with the man, yet I thought leaving the relationship would be as easy as getting into it.

Well, leaving was not easy at all; it was miserably painful for both of us. It was a pain that has lasted to this day - and it's been 20 years. And notice that there is a stark difference between infatuation and love.

The good part was that I actually felt more loving toward my husband. I stopped feeling that I had to focus on him as if he was the only source of romantic male relationship in my life.

So without going into a list of details I will tell you that should you pursue the man you're interested in be aware that he will never stop loving his wife. Or at least obsessing over her. You will be in constant competition with his feelings for her. Even if you don't hold any negative feelings for her, that feeling of being in competition for his attention is so very painful.

And know that while it's easy to get into an affair it is not easy to extricate yourself from it. There will be a massive amount of pain and hurt that a lot of people have to cope and live with.

Bottom line: don't fool yourself into thinking an affair will be all sunshine and roses, because it isn't.

btw, his wife and I became close friends. He did eventually divorce her (years later), but they remain friends.

As for me, I don't care if anyone judges me or not. I did what I thought was best at the time and no, I do not regret it as ultimately, it strengthened my marriage. Life it not black/white.

Im sorry it was painful for you. I underatand why. And im not sure why other are asuming i want an affair i do not. Just to be clear.
However i do not want him to leave her for me
But i love him and he is not in love with her.
But i also know people stay regardless. Its a hard spot to be.