I am so sorry you have had to go through this situation, Sunflower. I truy am. I have been through a quite similar situation, unfortunately, and I have a slightly different take.

The thing about deception is that people who lie--lie. For many, it is a just an effective tool to avoid dealing with potential shame or other pain they do not wish to face. The drip drip drip of the truth is something I have a PhD in. And what I have learned is that, for me, anwyay, once a person like this has lied about something major, I will never trust them again. This is just based on my own experience of being lied to and cheated on repeatedly. In my life, the people who lie, lie because they are liars. It is how they operate. Part of who they are. Just my take. Sorry.

Sending you strength and support. I hope you can get through this, whatever you decide to do!!!