Ok so.. years ago I was divorced for about 5-6 years I finally started to date.. I met some nice guys but it wouldn’t work out because I had no intention of introducing anyone to my daughter until I got to know them like 6 +months plus. So it limited time I had available.

Well I met this one guy , really nice, wasn’t pushy , he understood from day one that I had limited time due to my daughter.. he was fine with it. Probably over 6 months later I introduced him to my daughter she was 9 , they hit it off well, things were going well even my mom thought he was a nice guy. He moved in a couple months later. Fast forward just over a year later

I’m at my GYN ‘s office and he’s telling me he is sending the biopsies out but wanted me in surgery for a hysterectomy next week. Something out of the blue.

I got in my car and sat there thinking I needed to call my friend X ... it was like everything in a flash black.. it started so slow I didn’t even notice, he had slowly cut off my seeing friends etc etc I realized I was with a scary man , I couldn’t believe I didnt see it happen but faced with Cancer things became crystal clear. He had never physically abused me, but mentally yes.. he was always calling to see where I was , why was I late getting home from work , I worked for doctors , I’m done when the last patient is done. He use to get so angry.

So I called my mom and asked her to pick up my daughter from school..

I went home , he was at work. I sent an email to 3 people I knew I could trust asking for help.

I went to my moms.. he starts calling at about 5... all I’m telling my mom about is my needing surgery , I didn’t want her to worry about him... he kept calling and calling , I finally answered said I got stuck in traffic but I’d be there soon.

I asked my Mom to keep my daughter.

I went home , walked in the door and he was in my face in a rage.. he had spyware on my computer , he knew every keystroke.. he’s screaming at me about my email I sent my friends.

I told him he had to leave , now . Get out now ... my phone started ringing it was my friend Mike he heard Ben yelling when I answered he said he’s on his way to hang up and call 911... things got blurry I didn’t call 911 I just started picking up his things up and throwing them in the driveway , I remember yanking off a necklace he had given me and dropped it on the piles of things I had tossed out , he kept screaming , he threw some things I kept grabbing his things and throwing them out.

My neighbor heard the yelling and called 911 thankfully. Because all at once he’s grabbing me , slams me into a wall telling me he’s never leaving , he owns me blah blah blah I literally started laughing ..like a hysterical kind of laugh , he slapped me a few times , probably punched me more than once. But I literally thought it was just absurd.. I have Cancer and I’m literally taking his clothes and tossing them outside in my driveway my neighbors would enjoy this

Cops come screeching with lights blaring...they look at me and they had him on the ground in cuffs

One officer takes me inside, I’m pretty banged up . I honestly didn’t feel anything I was in shock. He starts asking me questions my friend Mike shows up , he lived almost an hour away how he got to my house in less than 20 mins I had no idea.

The officer told me under normal circumstances I’d have to legally evict him since he had been living there over 30 days. But of course he was being arrested, they asked what started it .. I explained I had seen my doctor I have cancer and he had to go he had groomed me and I didn’t even know it.

I told the police I had to get his stuff out of my home, I was the owner. The cop looked at my friend Mike and said can you help her get his stuff out ? They allowed Ben to call his father to come get his stuff. Mike and I just started taking anything of Bens out of the house, in 35 mins we were done , the garage door closed..

His dad showed up started screaming .. Mike took care of that. My other friend showed up ( he’s my husband now) he had a friend coming to put on new locks and put in an alarm system that night. Both Mike and Steve stayed with me that night, and one of them stayed each night until I went for surgery

I had surgery a week later. Ben spent 10-11 days in jail and started stalking me once he got out , I went to the police , paperwork etc etc ... 2-3 weeks of him constantly driving by my house so I sat in a lawn chair next to my mailbox one night of course he drove by many times, he finally pulled up and stopped, I said “ see what’s in my hand”? I raised it up .... if you ever come near me again I have no problem using it. That was the last time I heard him , maybe he drove by in a different car. Mike told me later a couple days after Ben got out of jail he beat the hell out of him.

About 5-6 months later I realized I just had to sell my house I could no longer live there.

Anyways long ramble I know but I guess the point is women often find themselves in a abusive relationship because people like Ben know how to slowly fence some one in and they not notice it until something major happens and for me it was “ cancer”

I had friends in abusive relationships, controlling boyfriends or husbands. I never would have dreamed I’d be one

He was 6’7 so if I see someone really tall I kinda freeze for a moment. I’m glad my husband is only 3 inches taller than me lol

It’s been 16 years and I hope he has died in some horrific way.

So anyone trying to help a friend or family member get out of an abusive relationship understand they might not realize they are in one. So handle with care.