Thank you all so much for support! The last time we talked, which was several weeks ago, I suggested that we should be only friends. As that what we have, is not relationship by my standards. He was offended and hurt when I told him that he seem to want me for himself when he has time and when he is in the mood (which happens more and more rarely), but nothing serious, he does not want future with me, he does not want even on vaacation with me or spend the day with me...yet he does not want me to have any other relationships with other men. Which is unfair. But he wants relationship on his own terms or nothing. That hurts because he never fights for me. If I don't agree with his terms he just ends it there and then. SO I suggested we become just fiends. And he obviously did not like that. But whatever he thinks, I condider myself single now. And that is ok.
I don't have any groups here now I could attend so that has to wait. I also have hard time meeting people so probably no new relationship for me.Maybe that is for the best.
thank you for your kind offer, AzulOscuro, but I am so afraid I could burden you, I am all negative energy now, I am afraid I will spread it around, and I don't want that. It's too much what I even wrote here. I feel like a ball of negative energy and that is not good. I would like to make people happy, that is why I wrote novels and draw illustrations, not to weight them down. Oh, I am so failiing at that too.