I guess my relationship with L is somewhat balanced. She does let me know things that I'm curious about 99% of the time. I can't think of an example of when she has said no to answering a question of mine, but we ALWAYS have to discuss my questions first (i.e. why I want to know, how would the different answers affect me, etc.). And she said it would make her sad if I terminated with her. I guess it's touch that I feel is imbalanced. I don't mind touch so long as it's appropriate, though I haven't explicitly defined appropriate with her yet. But she still gets to make the choice what she will and won't do based upon what she believes is past her training. It has nothing to do with what she's okay with or ethics or even what I'm okay with...just her opinion.

We were also talking about desires. She tells me that all my desires are okay. Again, I disagree. If my desires are okay, and the person is okay with them too (i.e. touch), but in reality it could never happen, then to me that equates to them being wrong.

I don't know. I just am worrying about tomorrow with her. She says everything will be okay. She says she'll be gentle, and will give me options instead of just one suggestion. I'm still worried. This is extremely important to me. I think she is understanding after all the emails I've written her, and I know we always come out of things like this okay. But I still worry.