Its not great is it.

He is a good man, I know this. I don’t know why he would do that of all people. I’ve always had in in my head once a cheat, always a cheat etc etc. But mine isn’t without sin either.

I was 21 when I had my daughter. I was 22 when I had an affair with another man out of stupidity after trying to leave my relationship and my home a year before. I felt stuck too, I can’t deny we haven’t been on the same place in a similar situation- we have. His wasn’t a physical thing, mine was. But I know I would never sink as low as I did as I had learnt my lesson through a lot of pain and grief. An act like that can change you, it’s a serious moral shake up for someone to do something like that who is fully against it. I know myself I’d never cheat on him, and I’ve told him before if I ever get the urge to look at a man twice in the future I would tell him before I acted so we could work on it together.

He has not judged me for any of my past, and mines not been pretty. He’s taken me in with open arms, loved me despite my scars. This man truly does love and care for me. I want to be able to push past this I really do.

He’s had a hard day today with it all. A lot of distress and tears tonight too, he knows he’s hurt me and he’s struggling with the past, his actions and his stupidity over not disclosing everything when I asked him too.

I had a better day today, and now tonight I’m in that dark place again questioning everything .