Hello Cjx: Thank you for bringing your concern here to PC. I see this is your first post. Welcome to Psych Central.

At the end of your post, you asked if you should turn yourself in to the police because you are concerned over something that may or may not (most likely did not) happen at a Christmas party. My personal opinion would be, no, there's no reason for you to be turning yourself in to the police over this. I do think, though, that some mental health therapy services may be important. I know you wrote you're on medication. But my personal non-professional opinion would be the long-term solution may be mental health therapy services with a provider who is knowledgeable & experienced in working with people who have POCD.

What you described in your post all just sounds to me like what people with POCD experience. You also mentioned you've been struggling with suicidal thoughts. So I thought I would provide you with links to the following 3 articles from Psych Central's archives. The first article describes what a person who is struggling with POCD experiences & does it, to my mind, well. The second article discusses Exposure & Response Prevention (ERP) therapy for OCD. And then the third article offers tips for surviving suicidal thoughts:

Am I a Monster? Common Features of Pedophilia OCD

ERP Therapy: A Good Choice for Treating OCD

How to Survive Suicidal Thoughts

I'm sorry you are having such a difficult time with this & hope that coming here to PC can be of benefit.