I felt like an absolute trash human being last night. I don’t know where it came from but all of a sudden I was overwhelmed by everything I had done when I was ill, starting from the time I was 14. I remembered ruining my teens, ruining my family’s lives when I was 18-19. I felt like I had messed up my son’s life, I had certainly ruined my husband’s to the point that he became addicted to drugs. I failed with my career. I can’t even use my degree and I wasted so much of my grandmother’s money.

I don’t know why all this stuff came up. I was trying to turn my thoughts but I couldn’t. I stayed up until about 12.30a because I couldn’t stop thinking.

Ugh. I still feel like **** today.