Quote:
Originally Posted by wildflowerchild25
I felt like an absolute trash human being last night. I don’t know where it came from but all of a sudden I was overwhelmed by everything I had done when I was ill, starting from the time I was 14. I remembered ruining my teens, ruining my family’s lives when I was 18-19. I felt like I had messed up my son’s life, I had certainly ruined my husband’s to the point that he became addicted to drugs. I failed with my career. I can’t even use my degree and I wasted so much of my grandmother’s money.
I don’t know why all this stuff came up. I was trying to turn my thoughts but I couldn’t. I stayed up until about 12.30a because I couldn’t stop thinking.
Ugh. I still feel like **** today.
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Because this refrain has come up before, I need to speak up. You did NOT ruin your husband's life. You did NOT cause his addiction. HE made BAD CHOICES. That's _100%_ on HIM!! I *would* say he ruined YOUR life through his bad choices leading to his death, but since you have come through all that horror with amazing strength, and found RS and are in a much healthier relationship.... it all worked out in the end.
Hope that's not too forward to say.
As for the rest, I'm with BirdDancer. Taking all the blame and ruminating on the past does no good. I hope you are able to realize this and let it go. Free yourself from the catastophizing clutches.
Lots of
