Pretty down yesterday afternoon. Lots of negative thoughts, feeling like a failure, etc. Wasted life. Slept 7 hours and woke up feeling worse. Same stuff. I still deal with this stuff from time to time, for whatever reason. Reliving the past? Regrets. I dunno. It's hard.

I sure wish there was a club or something here where I could go hang out with people like us. It would really help me. Wish I could go to IOP, but uninsured, so... I go to AA still sometimes, but I just don't relate anymore. Recovery is so easy for me, it's a non-factor in my life. It is all about the bipolar now.

Anyway, gonna try to force myself to write today about this guy I knew in the hospital who claimed he had faked his mental illness to avoid prison. Long story, but he convinced the board it was true and they discharged him. Off meds. A month later, he killed two people (no history of violence). He clearly has bp 1 with psychosis, I lived with him for a year. I know. Just a tragic story.

Anyhow, when I think of Tony and the poor people he killed, I realize as a person with pretty severe bp 1 that I am quite lucky. Things could be so much worse than they are. I'm not homeless (yet). So, I try to remember that. And I feel better.

Hugs and love to all!!