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Originally Posted by ~Christina
After all this happened my 2 guy friends , one I am happily married too now both said they weren’t 100% okay , felt something could have been off but I always seemed happy so they didn’t push , because in general I didn’t take crap from anyone.
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I can understand that from the perspective of someone outside an abusive relationship. I knew someone as strong, confident and outspoken, so when I witnessed a few backhanded remarks from her boyfriend, I reasoned that she must've allowed it from him, like it was an in-joke between them or something. In retrospect, I probably should've pulled her aside earlier to see if she was actually okay with those jokes instead of just assuming she was.
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I think if anyone suspects a friend or family member might be in a situation like mine they need to be careful/gentle when first asking some questions. You don’t want that person to immediately feel they need to defend there partner.
But if your friend is obviously being abused as in leaving bruises or you witness a person being verbally abused then step in right away.
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Defending partner. Yes. Happens any time I try to call out abusive behavior, regardless of how I try to call it out. Absolutely maddening.
My mom does that all the time. She'll complain for an hour about whatever nonsense my dad is doing, but the second I say something negative about it - or even just agree with her too fervently - she starts defending him and tells me I'm a bad person for talking smack about my father.
I've seen it in unambiguously abusive relationships as well. Honestly, I just don't understand the need or desire to defend them.
Regardless, I think building self-esteem might be the key. Reassuring them that they deserve to be trusted and to be treated fairly.