Quote:
Originally Posted by Innerzone
Because this refrain has come up before, I need to speak up. You did NOT ruin your husband's life. You did NOT cause his addiction. HE made BAD CHOICES. That's _100%_ on HIM!! I *would* say he ruined YOUR life through his bad choices leading to his death, but since you have come through all that horror with amazing strength, and found RS and are in a much healthier relationship.... it all worked out in the end.
Hope that's not too forward to say.
As for the rest, I'm with BirdDancer. Taking all the blame and ruminating on the past does no good. I hope you are able to realize this and let it go. Free yourself from the catastophizing clutches.
Lots of  |
Thank you for this. **** hit the fan for me (again) in 2013. That’s when I experienced my first hypomania that I was aware of and my first mixed episode, as long as my first hospitalization in six years. I found an old blog detailing all this, and as it turns out, my husband first hurt his back a little bit before I got sick. This is when he started taking pain pills and started down his path to addiction. It is fair to say that even though my selfishness and poor decisions did not help the situation, I probably did not CAUSE the situation. It’ll take awhile to get that out of my head.
As for the rest, I know it is not useful to focus on the past. I think it is just my low grade depression talking. Plus I am super stressed about money now that I have this enormous vet debt. I am feeling bad about myself because it is impossible to make a higher wage for myself, because in terms of stability I cannot be a teacher. That’s why I feel like a failure.
But I will try not to perseverate on it.