Thank you for all being so gentle with me, it really helps.

We had a difficult day yesterday - I think we are both in depressed mode - he’s still recovering from the SH aftermath and he doesn’t seem to be dealing too well with how I’m suffering at the moment - he’s struggling to see me so hurt. I’m still having these nightmares, graphic ones, every night and I’m waking up in a state and he’s having to comfort me. None of us have been sleeping very well, we have both lost weigh and are only just getting some appetites back from a week ago. He was so down yesterday and it made the environment so uncomfortable that I wanted to escape from the house and be away from my family. Horrible atmosphere.

However painful and confusing things are right now, we have still been even more loving and compassionate than we usually are towards each other it’s like we are taking goes and turns to nurse each other at the moment. Last night in an attempt to escape from the house we went to a bar for some lovely food and a nice glass of wine and had a laugh and a nice loving night, then ended up at the cinema watching a horror film which had us both laughing and it was a relief. It made me think of how some couples deal with relationship traumas, I’ve often wanted to turn away from my previous partners or argue or cause more dramas if something had happened - we seem to be the complete opposite it’s like we know that we need to drop our own hurt to care for the other regardless. Although there had been pain and bad moods and snapping there - it’s not been at each other, and it’s been forgiven and treated with an understanding heart when one of us have been grumpy or angry or sad or whatever