((((((((((Pegasus)))))))))))))))
I know that "virtual" friends aren't as good as IRL face to face friends who can take you out ot eat or to the movies or just sit and listen... but you do have friends here, and I'm one of them.
I'm distressed to hear you are struggling so.

You have a lot on your plate, and probably are self doubting... remember that your depression is telling you lies. You have to fight to not listen to the lies!
Is something new going on in your life that has sent your spiraling down? PM me ... I'm listening.