Is there even a point to it? I've been diagnosed more times than I can count, I'm on six or seven different meds for my bipolar, I've been hospitalized for mania, depression and everything in between, I've woken up to cops in my room, I've had voices keep me up at night, and ruined very close friendships because of my behavior.

Everyone close to me knows I have it, basically every psychiatrist I've seen in the past six years has diagnosed me with it and some have called me a textbook or even a severe case, and would laugh at me if I brought this up.

I still have trouble accepting the label because I don't feel like I'm that extreme despite what everyone else says. I find myself questioning whether or not I really need meds and so I go off them, and then I end up depressed again. It's an endless cycle for me.

I haven't had any manic symptoms since around August. I was stable for a few months then crashed back into depression in December which is where my mood currently resides. Actually, I'm going inpatient tomorrow because the staff at partial are extremely concerned about my safety.

I know I should just grow up and accept it, but I can't help but think there's nothing actually wrong with me and that I've been playing up symptoms this whole time for attention. They would have caught that, right?