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sarahsweets · Feb 28, 2020 at 04:39 AM

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Originally Posted by ARaven0137

What brought me to this forum is that I have a male friend, whom I believe has BPD, who has been making an assumption that I am his GF.

In what way is he making this assumption?

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In the last few months he has been exhibiting extreme jealousy if I so much as talk with or meet with another guy. He has become controlling and possessive to the point that it is unbearable. I told him that I feel more like property than person and that I do not have the emotional depth to continually feed his ravenous and ever increasing emotional hunger.

His feelings are not your fault but if you do not set and hold your boundaries he will not change. Humans tend to change when the pain is uncomfortable enough that the person changes it. You cant change him only yourself. If you are not comfortable with him in this way, you are the only one who can it. You need to get a professional involved. If he is as jealous and unreasonable as you say he is I believe you may have to take legal steps to protect yourself.

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Thank you for sharing that as I found it difficult to comprehend his emotional needs. Before reading many of these posts and understanding what was going on, I initially empathized and gave into his demands for more and more and more of my time and attention as he "had no one", had an unstable home environment and would make threats of self harm when I wanted to go.

If he makes threats to hurt himself you need to contact the authorities because it isnt your job to "save" him or put up with his nonsense. Pretend you are a bank. You keep your balance in check but someone steals your info and drains your account leaving you with nothing. This is hard to overcome. This person is using up all the "money" (emotions) in your bank and you will be left bankrupt.

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My empathy turned into resentment and outright rebellion where I started to provoke his jealous response.

This is classic abuse and even a little gas-lighting-ish. You are not responsible for his issues and you are not provoking him. He is choosing to be jealous and want you for himself. Abuse often leads the abused person to feel responsible for the feelings of others and their pain.

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Finally, with some understanding, I hope to set boundaries and help him to regulate his jealousy and emotional outbursts. Still, the behavior is exhausting and my empathy is drained, but I don't want to hurt him or see him hurt himself.

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This is emotional blackmail or hijacking your emotions. You need to call hid bluff. If he says he will hurt himself you need to contact the authorities each and everytime he says thing like that to you or he will never change.