here's the thing. NO he is NOT a great father to the kids. Part of being a good father is setting an example of being a caretaker and that does not exclude you, if he is abusing you and controlling and doing things like hiding cameras to spy on you all without your knowledge, this is not in any way the behavior of a good father. Being kind in front of them and behaving a certain way at times is only playing a game of being a good dad in front of them but in truth he's clearly a narcissistic (not necessarily officially but as a descriptive word) overlord to you and even at best if he never laid a hand on his kids, he has on you and that sets a precedent and an example to the kids as to how their mother is "less than" he is. it's a dysfunctional situation no matter what angle anyone takes to look at it and no matter how you rationalize his behavior.

get out. I won't make provision for anything else here. he's hit you and not even out of self defense but to "put you in your place" as it sounds which is completely a domination type behavior. This will not go away and he will not change likely, and on top of that if he were to come to his senses there is NO WAY it will happen as long as you stick around.