Hey, (really don't want to call you 'sorry shaped'). You are going through a tuff time! Colostomies are tuff and most people don't understand that. Just having them much less the daily grind of cleansing, changing etc. is hard on you mentally. I had a client that had a colostomy and was so embarrassed by it but he eventually became used to the idea that it actually saved his life having one and was very diligent with his cleanliness which did help. He too had issues with odors but his therapists and doctors worked with him and seemed to really help his problems. He still has some rough times but now I see him smiling and telling jokes. Crazy old guy. He's 80 but so much fun to be around. I really don't like to give advice but look at it as a 'life saver' instead of a 'bad thing' (I had a stroke 3 years ago and I think it DID save my life). It's not easy and words are cheap but try to think positive and hopefully it will help you get through the days ahead. I wish you all the luck in the world....keep on keepin' on! .