I've been thinking about your heartbreaking problem a lot. It's really sad to see you suffering. I don't have kids, but can imagine...

If you don't mind me saying, you seem to be caught in the Pain, Anger, Denial loop, desperately moving from one state of mind to another. I recognise it as something I do when I'm suffering.

I wish I could say something that would help.

I keep thinking that maybe if you can see this as a conflict resolution problem, it might throw new light on the situation.

If you can somehow reframe this, as a falling-out rather than an end...

An agony aunt in one of the Sunday papers here was really good with family conflicts. I often wondered if she herself had a difficult daughter-in-law. But her solutions often surprised me, in that she, first, acknowledged the pain of the person who was asking advice (typically a parent who was desperately worried about their grown up-child), but then, she'd almost suggest that it, in the great scheme of things, it didn't matter .

The details didn't matter. In a way, the pain didn't matter! She was just like a heat-seeking missile, zoning in on a day not too far in the future, when the family members could bear to be in each other's company, and advised the correspondent to do whatever it took to get to that point.

Sorry if that's painful to hear.

What I meant was that she focused only on how the outcome could be achieved. I'm not underestimating what you've been put through! And I'm sure there's lots more you could say...

I do remember that an important factor in getting to that point was in the correspondent's realisation that they have ZERO power to change their relatives. They can only change themselves. A bit. Just for the sake of maintaining some kind of contact.

Crucially, the correspondent (usually, as I say, the parent) is allowed to fake it!

Faking it is fine!

They can smile knowingly, and roll eyes behind the (for instance, daughter-in-law's) back. They can bang their head against the wall as soon as they leave. Chew the carpet.

That's a perfectly valid way to be!

As for your son, I really do feel there is a good chance that he Is genuinely hurting about the wedding...

In which case, why not send a blast of pure love right to the heart of his pain?

I'm really sorry about the wedding.

I'm sorry about the wedding.

I apologise for the wedding.

Don't add any other words. Just repeat that simple message, over and over.

From your heart to his.