Thanks for sharing your story. As you perhaps may notice, beneath my avatar, I have anointed myself with the title: "Reclusive old troll". I'm over twice your age. And I am married. But beyond that I have no extended family, no friends & really not even any acquaintances of any consequences... by choice. When I was young I would have had a lot in common with the way you describe your life (except that no one would have ever described me as having been a good student.) However, as I've aged, I've simply become an old recluse & no longer have any interest in being out-&-about, so to speak. (Like you it's not that I'm afraid to go out. I simply prefer not to.)

You talked about your fantasy life. I don't have a fantasy life as such anymore. (I did when I was young.) However I do have some mental-health-related concerns that I'm quite certain are exaggerated by my reclusive lifestyle. (I'll spare you the details!) I think that being out in society... working & socializing (in a positive manner) has something of a "leveling" effect on people. The more one is by oneself the more there is a tendency to veer off into fantasies, & even behaviors, that are outside of the mainstream so to speak.

To sum up, you wrote you don't know what the hell is wrong with you. And, unfortunately, I can't tell you that either. (I'm not a mental health professional.) One thing that does occur to me is that quite a bit of what you described is similar to how depression is sometimes manifest in men. Here are links to 4 articles, from Psych Central's archives, on that topic plus a link to an article that talks about why a person might feel angry all the time:

Men and Depression: How Male Depression Really IS Different | What is TMS?

Depression in Men: It Looks Different Than You Might Think

The 'Weakness Factor': Men and Depression

10 Things You Should Know About Male Depression

12 Depression Busters for Men

https://psychcentral.com/blog/angry-...dium=popular17

You mentioned you tried seeing a therapist. But, from what you wrote, it sounds as though it didn't particularly go well. In my own case, I've tried seeing a few different therapists for brief periods. However none it really ever amounted to much. For one thing I never found one I had any great amount of confidence in. But for another opening up about all that's gone on with me has been, & still is, excruciatingly difficult. So that's not at all helpful. The thing I believe I know, though, is that it can take time to find a therapist you feel comfortable with. (You have to kiss a lot of toads before you find one you want to bare your soul to.) You just have to keep looking... & keep trying until you find the right one. The reality is that the only way things may change significantly for you is if you find someone who can help you dig yourself out of the hole you're now in. It doesn't have to be a mental health therapist. But, in general, there don't tend to be a lot of other options when it comes to people who would potentially have the expertise to guide you. And as the old saying goes... if you keep doing what you've always done, you'll keep getting what you've always got. So, at least to my way of thinking, what's going to be necessary is going to be for you to commit yourself to doing what you have to do to change. No one else can make that happen for you. My best wishes to you.