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Hi folks,

I've noticed a little subtle disagreement on this very interesting thread.

The issue seems to be about low self esteem.

I believe that low self esteem comes with the territory in most mental illness. If we have also been systematically rubbished in childhood, then it is a 'double whammy'. A kind of arrogant defensiveness can grow around us, and this brings more relationship trouble in later life.

Low self esteem is a cruel master, and it continues to hurt us no matter how well we learn to cover it up. We could be complimented a million times and it wouldn't get through.

We could be lucky enough to find that dream partner and low self esteem would wreck the relationship for us. Low self esteem thrives on slights, jealousies, attempts to control, paranoia.

A person with an adequate level of self esteem doesn't need to take slights, get jealous, try to keep control or get paranoid in their relationships. This is because they are not looking for the relationship to complete them; they are already a complete individual. If a person with adequate self esteem comes home and finds their partner in a low mood, they don't automatically thing. "It's me!". They can cope with that jag of loneliness coming from their partner's mood problem.

If a person regularly feels isolated, then I believe that the feeling is internal to that person, and the only place to deal with the problem is in the individual. It took me half a lifetime to realise that I was giving out insecure and needy 'vibes' to people I wanted to be close to and those vibes werestronger than physical features, or clothes or money or anything. The vibes stopped me getting intimacy because people were uncomfortable around me, although I denied it. There is no place lonelier.

In my view, an adequate level of self esteem will put anyone in a good place, with the ability to socialise in the world, take a few knocks, make some friends and maybe find a nice partner that will be happy to be with them.

I have met quite a few happy single people, but they have all been people who were comfortable with themselves - they had to be.

Cheers, Myzen.

PS - I've just realised that this post might be a drift off-topic. IG's original post was maybe just about 'meeting up' with a partner, and I'm talking about something deeper, which may not be IG's issue. If so, my apologies IG.

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Myzen

I can really relate to everything you are saying in this post.