This is why YOU need therapy yourself. You need to understand what you are allowing for this ideal of thinking you need to keep your marriage together like your parents and their parents did. You need to learn about how that can end up teaching your own children how "toxic" is normal and acceptable. You need to understand that YOU cannot "fix" your husband. You need to look at him in a very different REALISTIC way and allow yourself to see the truth about him and that he may genuinely have no interest what so ever in fixing his own behavior patterns that will constantly challenge you AND what his children witness how he choosed to treat their mother. And you can't JUST hide the hurt you experience from them either.