I confess that when my hypomania is mild, I do allow myself to enjoy the ride a bit. But as I wrote, some less than ideal symptoms show themselves. When I struggle to curb them sufficiently, or if the mania level rises, I start to take prn Seroquel and/or my psychiatrist raises my Seroquel XR dose. I prefer the former rather than the latter, of course. Sometimes the prns keep the beast at bay as long as other factors are not at play, such as stress or over-excitement.

Speaking of stress/over-excitement, another strategy is for me to "lay low" as I call it. Sometimes even a trip to the grocery store can be enough to accelerate the beast. It may still live, though, but it is better for me to "write some of it out" at home, perhaps not always on forums. The writing transfers some of the racing thoughts from my brain through my arms and then fingers to my laptop keyboard. Part of the benefit is that my fingers dance and bang on the keys. Boom, boom, ba ba, boom, tala ha ha phooey chick, bada bing louie. It's an exhaling of sorts, a type of release. Pleasurable and yet at the same time relieving.

I really don't want my Seroquel XR dose to go up to 650 or 700 mg. I've found over the years that my base dose is increasing. It's frustrating, and yet it's necessary, sometimes. I've got to be honest and say that I would not be among those who could quit my medications. After 34 years with bipolar illness, that is not likely an option for me. That's not to say I don't wish my Seroquel XR dose to be lower. But gone? That would be a pipe dream. Thirty four years having bipolar disorder. Fifteen years of being told I had bipolar disorder by likely 10 different psychiatrists and 15 different therapists. More times than I can remember that the illness proved itself again and again. It's not a joke. It's not something I can wish or think away. The course has worsened over the years. Though I have gained great insight and coping skills, that help greatly, my medication proves its necessity. Again and again. I can't just make the same mistakes and expect a different result. Einstein was right, at least for me.

The last time I reached full blown manic with psychosis was in May of 2018. It was hard to stop since my husband and I were traveling in Portugal. Too many stressors overwhelmed me. We do plan to return to Europe for a vacation this year, but hubby and I agreed that the autumn is better. Spring is too dangerous for me. Even in the fall, I now know what to avoid. I feel that I have learned a lifetime of lessons. I'm excited to learn even more. That motivates me.