So, I was talking to T last week and she said that she thinks that I am more PTSD than anyone even knows. She thinks that the PTSD is more of an issue than the bipolar or DID right now.
Well, no one ever even told me or mentioned PTSD to me before her, so I was not shocked when she said it, but now I wonder just how much of my past has effected me.
For example....we were doing an exercise where you imagine you are a tree and you "ground" yourself by growing roots from your feet thru the ground. I imagined that and then she asked me how I was feeling right then.
I freaked....my anxiety took hold. I had the most intense fear of being chased and "found" by my step mother. I told her that I felt trapped, like I can't run if I need to. She asked who I feel like I need to run from and I just lost it.
The Step-monster used to chase me around til she grabbed me and then beat me.
I started to hyperventilate and T stopped, said to imagine my feet free again.
Then she put her hand on my knee and I sort of felt safer somehow. She did the deep breathing and I felt a little better, but still couldn't catch my breath.
She had me start to draw and I don't even know how, but I felt so much better in just about 5 minutes.
I still don't understand how the art works, but I like it. I think I will do it at home, too....it couldn't hurt...right?

BJ