Azul, you bring up a good point about only hearing one side of the story and only hearing as much as the OP discloses. I wonder about what a therapist thinks, as they are the only one hearing the client’s side. Here, we have a variety of people with different takes, which I find really helpful.

Seesaw; you put the simple truth to the issue. Do they want to be a family? I think the answer is and always was ‘no’ on her part. She’d tolerate us if we bowed to her and showered her with whatever she wanted. But she sure doesn’t want us as-is (as Fuzzy says). And we’re just not the doormat types. Also, we weren’t trying to control her. We accepted her as-is. But, we wouldn’t be talked down to and mistreated.

Una- love you too!

Our son never had any of these traits before he got with her. Now he acts exactly like her.

I am so surprised we raised a son who had a character that drastically changed from what he was to what she wants him to be. I struggle with ‘identity’ issues related to borderline traits. But, I think I have quite a strong personality and am unmistakable myself in certain things. What’s up with his personality? Hmmmmm. I hope I can find a way to get him into therapy. That would be great for him.