Quote:
Originally Posted by TishaBuv
But it is personal. The same person acts nicely to others. They can be very charming. There are two sides to them. Some ‘toxic’ people have shown me both sides of themselves. Others have only shown me the mean, abuser. I’m not sure if they show all people both sides. It depends on what purpose that person serves for them. They may only show them the charmer?
The images you posted in your last posts on this thread speak to my other thread about why is my son now acting completely different with a spouse who alienated him from his parents. OMG thanks!  |
Ahh, you're welcome! I hope those images help some people.
That's the charm of the toxic person at play. It definitely is not personal. They will direct it at a specific victim whom they target because they think that person is somehow weak or meek and will take it without protest. Abusers deliberately target their victims and know exactly what they're doing. They target people whom they think they can abuse.. they test the waters with them, dipping their toes in, testing with the more subtle and sometimes not so subtle abuse tactics to see how the victim will respond, and then they escalate their tactics to more extreme levels of abuse, if the victim doesn't protest and/or walk away. This is why abuse is so insidious. Sometimes it's not so obvious in the beginning. They test the person first. And the person who has weaker boundaries, lower self esteem, who was abused in childhood and/or is not educated about abuse tactics, won't pick up on the subtleties of the abuse.
And yes, they are charming to others on the outside. It's never personal. But it is targeted.