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Moose, your writing looks to me like depression.
I think I am getting better seeing when I am depressed. But I often still don't recognize I am depressed, even though I do daily mood charting for symptoms.
For me, depression is sneaky. I live alone without pets, so I can sink into depression and not be told about it or be pulled out of it by others.
It is much easier for me to see when I am manic or anxious.
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A virtual  to all in a time of physical social distancing!
Trying to practice coping tools to live in my own skin more gently, peacefully, & comfortably One Day a Time (sometimes one breath at a time) 
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