I've been experiencing some mild "up" mood issues, lately. I know it, but that doesn't push it away. I had to take PRN Ativan last night to sleep. Luckily, it did help.

Yesterday, I decided that I could not handle a gynecologist appointment tomorrow, so I rescheduled it for a month later. I was already fuming about how I didn't want a particular test, that I deem unnecessary. I think they just keep giving it to me to make more $$$$$$$$$$ They're all like that! I do want a mammogram within the next month and a half. I have my psychiatrist appointment tomorrow. I just didn't like the idea of a gyno appointment and pdoc appointment on the same day.

I have my therapist appointment this afternoon and French class this evening. I will go to therapy, but I am feeling reluctant to go to French class. I don't think I'd miss much, but my husband will get on my butt about skipping it. Unless I have 100% attendance, he emphasizes my past unreliability. I'm almost thinking of not going to French, but rather not being home during that time. Maybe go to...somewhere? I don't want it to be a bar, because I'm feeling vulnerable right now to self-medication. Maybe I could go to an AA meeting, instead. I believe there is a 5:30 pm meeting. Then I could just go and sit in a cafe for a while longer. If I can't help but return home early, I'll just say I wasn't well enough to stay the whole time. I'd hope he'd assume I went to the French class. But though I am not a lying type, I am not totally against just not sharing the reality of what I did, as long as it's not hurtful to anyone in any way. I wish it snowed tonight, but it won't. It's going to reach 60 F (over 15 C) today.

Maybe I should go to the French class and see if it's really hot there again. That would be a good excuse to leave.

Update: I just got off the phone with hubby. I told him that I feel like I am experiencing mild derealization. I haven't felt this way for a very long time. Yesterday I was on some mental "speed". Today I just feel so odd. He told me to take extra Seroquel prn. I googled it and it did, indeed, say that quetiapine can help. I just took 50 mg. That shouldn't tire me out that much.

I feel a little afraid to drive right now, but I must see my tdoc. It's not the Seroquel, but this derealization feeling. I am leaving early to take my time.