I didn’t know very well how to put these thoughts into words neither how to name the thread so, sorry if it’s not what you expected to read about.
I know which feelings and emotions it provokes on myself. It’s one of the worst things I may experience.
I’m gonna try to explain it.

When I’m in a very low mood I barely have the energy to give a “hi” (I’m exaggerating but it’s graphic). As soon as I have a little of energy and my mood better even a little bit, I know I have energy to offer myself.
When someone has a little of something, they offer, don’t they?
Not mention when I feel strong, I can even think all may be possible.
In this case when I am in this action of offer and sometimes, only sometimes, I receive kind of slap on my face ( metaphorically speaking) not that my offer is rejected but I’m talking about a hit in the heart. I live the worst moment I could live. It’s one of the worst things that may happen to me. I feel guilty even for dreaming or breathing. Who I am to dare to think that I can make things different. That I can even fix the most difficult task. It’s like if I lose faith on myself.

Until resent past, I sometimes react in an aggressive way or a passive-aggressive way. Then, the cycle of self-blaming and depression began.

Now, it’s different. My first emotions are surprised and fear, then appears feelings of sadness and disappointment

I neither know what I’m trying to get with this thread.
Maybe, relief a little the burden of my feelings and even try to look for your advises to put me a little at ease as soon as possible. What you do to put yourself a little at ease when you experience the same?
Thanks in advance!