Hello Zedsdead,

I'm so sorry this is happening to your daughter and also for the unwelcome effects it is having on you.

I wish I had some great insight to share, but sadly I lack such insight.

The human brain is very mysterious even when it is working at an optimal level. Mental illnesses, both clinical and subclinical can have a profound effect on thought and behavior as can attitudes like 'perfectionism.'.

Sometimes it helps me to step out of a situation to gain perspective. A person is a million times more than any mental affliction that oppresses them. Since I am not a physician or medical professional of any kind, I am completely unqualified to offer an opinion that could be relied upon by anyone. But I believe strongly that your daughter is a million times more than whatever is afflicting her.

Many great thinkers have said that people are only completely responsible for actions that come from the deepest center of their being without impediment.

Often the concept of 'impediment' is too narrowly defined in terms of things like ignorance or coercion. But mental attitudes and illnesses can also be real impediments not to freedom itself, but definitely to the "full" exercise of freedom.

I doubt whether the thoughts and actions of your daughter are done with complete knowledge and awareness and complete freedom of will without impediment.

It is a characteristic of 'perfectionism' for a person to "get stuck" in a "could be better, but isn't better" attitude. I read this on another Forum but I think it contains some truth.

And it is equally characteristic of 'perfectionism' to lose sight of the fact that anyone and anything, that everyone and everything "could be worse, but isn't worse."

Ideally we perhaps ought to be able to move freely between "could be better, but isn't better' and "could be worse, but isn't worse."

Of course, the first attitude naturally seems to generate feelings of anxiety, aggravation, frustration, dissatisfaction, anger and sadness. How could perfectionism not generate those feelings and moods?

Looking at oneself or others with an attitude of "could be worse, but isn't worse" tends to generate feelings of appreciation, of feeling lucky.

Do you think that perhaps your daughter is "stuck" in a "could be better bus isn't better" attitude and does not know how to extricate herself from it in order to reach some kind of perspective and peace?

My father suffered from clinical or perhaps subclinical OCD. It was difficult for him and the entire family.

I am so sorry that your daughter suffers from "perfectionism" and I hope it not somethingmore serious than that.

I just want to say that my heart goes out to you.

Wishing you only the best ! ! ! -- Yaowen