I agree, what you wrote sounds like the words of a depressed person. Is that how you feel now? It is possible to have Bipolar 1 and only get mania without any depressed phases, but that is rare. For me depression is a horrible blank, empty, dark place to exist in. The hopelessness and despair can be overwhelming and thoughts of self-harm come in at its worst. If what you wrote is how you are feeling now I would suggest you reach out to your T and/or pdoc soon. I hope you are ok. Keep posting.