Hello. I was away for several days because my symptoms fluctuated positively. However, I suspect that they are heavy influenced by stress. I really hope that positive fluctuation last longer, because,in fact, that variation was the longest: one month.

Since January 15th, I have stopped viewing porn or masturbating.

My interest for reading came back.
Even under medication, my libido and sexual desire for women remains. I have no problem with erections.
The feeling of "being out of the body" and the strangeness of seeing me in the mirror have greatly diminished. Practically such feelings no longer exist.
My relationship with my male characteristics - hair, voice, genitals, etc. - has improved.


Now, let's talk about the bad part:

The Intrusive thoughts remain. Of course, during this last month, there has been a reduction, but the frequency of thoughts is unpredictable. In my personal opinion, the "transgender thoughts" are the worst.
Sometimes, I experience false attraction to men. "False" because there are not any erection or love.

I experience a strange sensation when I hear my pronouns. In fact, the pronouns generate intrusive thoughts that replace them with the oposite sex pronouns.

The strange physical sensation in my genitals and throat remains. During this last month, the sensation disappeared in some moments. However, in the last days, this came back violently. The sensation in the genitals remains for much of the day, but the throat does not.
Occasionally, I feel hopeless to feel like a heterosexual man again, or rather, to be sure that I am one. When I see a beautiful woman on Instagram, for example, there is, of course, an erection. But then the intrusive thoughts appear and I begin to doubt. "What if I want her beauty? What if I don't like having sex with her? How can I, for sure, differentiate between love and envy?" Sometimes I feel like I'm in denial, like the 18 years I lived happily meant nothing - even though, deep down, I know they do -.