You say you are reverting to your old pissed off self and it was under those circumstances you sought professional help and medication originally, correct? You make it sound like returning to that state is no big deal and unavoidable. It is huge and it doesn't have to go like this. You don't have to accept living like this.

I know you are furious with your pdoc, but I agree with WC. It is time to just be honest. Do you feel there is a chance this will just resolve on its own? If it is truly a reversion it seems intervention is warranted. I know you do not want to take the Rexulti, but there must be something that can help.

Have you discussed any of this with your parents? They seem loving and might be able to serve as a mirror to help you see where you're truly at.

I share WCs concerns about you losing your job or worse trying to tough this out on your own. You may not be at the point of caring anymore, but can you believe us when we say the Blue we normally speak with who is stable cares very much what happens.