Quote:
Originally Posted by Open Eyes
I believe you are actually a good person, have experienced love and caring and that you even have genuine faith too. HOWEVER, sometimes a person who has all that will believe that if they just PRAY that somehow some kind of super being will come and "fix' AND heal. Unfortunately "these angels and magical things a person embraces don't FIX. They can help a person have hope, maintain their own goodness even, yet, they don't suddenly just "fix" a person that is disordered and toxic. Instead, sometimes how these prayers are answered more is in a person finally SEEING the things that are unhealthy and gaining the strength to disconnect from that individual. You mentioned you come from a close religious family? Then it's important to pay attention to the messages that talk about recognizing those who will not embrace the things that truely are good and healing and kind. While Judas loved Jesus, he was also jealous of him and ultimately did betray him. Now, in saying that I am not preaching but merely pointing out that YES it's important to hear the messages that say "beware" and say that not all can embrace the good we wish they would.
When we have children lady, it's important that we help THEM understand this so that they can grow into strong adults that are capable of reconizing the kind of behaviors that can hurt them even when they wish that was not so.
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It’s not that I just believe praying about it will make it all get fixed and heal. There’s a whole lot of work that would still need to go into the recovery process. God gave us free will to have faith and do good but also to do bad, repent, and mend those wounds we’ve caused. I can’t blindly believe that my husband will change with just prayer. I need to see that he truly repents and is willing to put in the work, like therapy, to heal those deep wounds he had from his childhood. I don’t want to be pessimistic but he’s probably not ready to make all those changes. His behavior the past week sure hasn’t shown it. He’s been immersing himself in even more work loads than before which tells me he’s just waiting for me to break and come running back to him, telling him I miss him, etc.
I have seen and realized how unhealthy I’ve allowed our relationship to become. And this is the most disconnected we’ve ever been. I’m not sure my husband even realizes how serious I am about making some serious changes in our relationship.