THURSDAY
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went to the psych department and found the very best psychologist i ever hoped for. He is an older white male, just as i wanted and he has a PHD, which was also mandatory for me....
he listens, he cares, he lightens the mood, etc. basically he is a good match.
the psychiatrist was a total idiot.
laughed at me, patronized me, and stripped me bare with all his intrusive questions. no empathy, no people skills basically.
gave me only one option: lithium.
so screw him. i cancelled the future appt with him and decided to return to the doc i saw on monday.

TODAY
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i went back to the doc who is knowledeable in bipolar disorder... he is gonna make an exception for me and let me have him as my primary physician.
he also assigned me to a new psychiatrist that he knows, who knows a lot about bipolar and who is a "nice guy"... hopefully he is not black, i was too happy and relieved to even ask. i might have to make an exception to my race rule if this psychiatrist turns out to be right for me.
and anyway, the doc today gave me Klonopin, which is working wonders already, and he said over the weekend he is even gonna research the Lamictil i requested so he knows dosing specs for my body size and type of bipolar... he ordered a bunch of labs to test all my internal systems, since he also does internal medicine... (whatever that is)
and he is having me come back Monday to pick up the Lamictil and to pick up the FMLA form he is filling out for me so i can protect my job, and still take intermittent leave.
im thrilled....
and i just wanted to share some of my happiness for once.
i have hope...
i feel safe and cared for....
finally!
something i havent felt in so long i cant even remember......