Hello palvins..

Not sure if I can be of any help.
But just wanted to say this, don't give up on your dreams and aspirations. Life is cruel. Some people never learn from their mistakes, but don't let it get you down. Do what is in your best interest.
My dad too started drinking after my mother passed. Those times I felt like I had to grow up fast. Sacrifice my dreams for taking care of the family or whatever was left of it.
The mantra is to not give up and pursue your goals relentlessly for a better future because nobody will do it for you..

Hope you can overcome your struggles
Lots of hugs
Sayonara