Good morning Blue. Thanks for checking in. I know you do not want to be admitted. I understand those feelings. I am curious though what state of being would warrant that?

Hopefully you will be honest about the full extent of what is going on when you speak with someone. I also hope they seek to honor your wishes. However, I wonder if professionally speaking it might be appropriate to seek admission for you. You are a danger to yourself at this point. We spoke maybe a week or so ago when you went off Rexulti about the eating and your thought patterns that seemed similar to the last time you were experiencing manic like issues. You stopped eating then and it evolved to the point it became physically painful to eat. You are now back in that boat with no strategy to improve. Your brain is not receiving the nutrients it needs to think properly. Your body is not receiving the nourishment it needs to suatain itself.

Your rage has escalated and there is no specific plan in place to address it. You have several critical issues going on. If I were a professional I might conclude you are not demonstrating an ability to care for your basic needs properly and you've been at that state for a while. They might feel you need more care than they can give in one session. I just want you to be prepared and maybe encourage you to be open to that route.

I am on your side and I hope you receive the best possible course of treatment for your situation. I just hope you will be open to whatever is in your best interest and the knowing that you're stuggling to see clearly at the moment. I fear you may hear something you do not like and reject it.

If this were me, my family would have used our 'code word' a long time ago and I would have known that it was time to get help immediately even if that meant an ER or IP. Calling and playing the waiting game with unresponsive pdocs and Ts would not be an option.

I am very hopeful you will get a return call very soon. I know this is incredibly difficult and I continue to hope it resolves in a way you can accept and comfortably receive the assistance you need.